Can't Say I Wasn't Warned

I should have heeded my own warning. SLOW, or Sudden Leisure Onset Wellness is real, and it causes irrepairable brain damage.

Actually, I should have paid more attention to the very clear sign posting at the entrance to Denarau Island.
There were other, less obvious signs of SLOW everywhere too, if only I'd known then just where to look...

...clocks with the numbers mysteriously jumbled and out of order, bookstores with nothing but titles by Clive Cussler, Danielle Steele, Dan Brown, Anne Rice, Wilbur Smith and a raft of others, none of whom had ever won a litterary award of any note. Add the very awful Malaysian Star TV Satellite network that seemed to be running Really Bad Science Fiction Week. It took me too long to realise that each of these was a sign of impaired cognitive ability.

Let's not forget the drinks with fruit and little umbrellas too... a different one each day. At $10 a hit, that we kept buying them was a true indication of the rapid degenerative progress of this disease.

And it's Fiji, where it seems anyone within 50 metres of you has to shout "Bula", which the locals claim is "Hello" in whatever language they speak when we're not watching, but which I'm actually fairly certain roughly translates to "oh look... another stupid foreigner". It has to be an in joke. Why else would they smile every bloody time they shouted it at you? It's not like western tourists are actually likeable.

I've been back for nearly two full days now, and fear it might be too late. I recognise some of the symptoms. I've been wearing very bright shirts around the house, and even up to the local store once. Short sleeve. In the middle of winter. There 's the pile of mail that was in my mailbox too. It just sits there unopened, and my interest in its contents is best described as CGAF. I can't even remember where the washing machine is. I just stuffed my clothes in a big plastic bag and left them at the door. I can't understand why they're still there, nor do I comprehend why the fridge hasn't been filled up with beer, wine and coke while I've been out. Somethings just not right.

Ah well. They say if one heads for a warm oceanside tropical climate, the symptoms of SLOW are less noticeable. Maybe I'd better start looking at real estate with coconut palms.