Hood Lumps

You've gotta love those Nigerian Scammers.

This came today...

FROM THE DESK OF INVESTIGATION DEPARTMENT,INDEPENDENT CORRUPT PRACTICE COMMISSION(ICPC).MAITAMA-ABUJA,NIGERIA.

This management is hereby to inform you that,out of our records,for the year investigation,it is dawn to us that you have been victimized by the men of underworld(Pretenders).However,the management has been dutifully empowered by the Investigation bureau office of the President and Commander-in-chief of the Armed Forces of Federal Republic of Nigeria to curb all illicit transaction and workload of this perpetrators.

In line with the Anti-corruption crusade of the presidency,Umaru Musa Yaradua(GCFR),you are by this Email notification to stop any contact regarding this illegal transaction with this Hood-lumps.Out of our finding,the image of this country has been dented Internationally during the past administration of the Federal Government of Nigeria.Presently,we have employed a strategy to remit sanity,and vow to terminate the activity of this fraudsters,by consolidating our security Network all over the country in view to monitor all outgoing and incoming communication to enable fish out and avert all illegal and suspicious transaction both domestically and internationally respectively.

Moreover,it occur that some of our Financial Institutions(Bank) serve as a conduit pipe by which this fraudsters use to perpetrate the undo crime.We have signalized all these financial institutions to implement scrutinized investigation before carrying any transaction.Any bank found culpable of breaching the law,must have their operational license revoke.

In accordance with the criminal and other related offense act,25 of
1999 constitution, we have been officially compel by Senator.
A.Aminu(JP),Chairman, Senate committee on Foreign Affair to mapped out billions of Dollars from the Annual Budget to compensate all defrauded victims as part of the ongoing National Reform Scheme of the presidency,and means to radiate immunity for criticism.

In view of this,we have been informed that you are still dealing with those hood-lumps in all your attempts to secure the release of your fund.We wish to advise you that such an illegal act has to stop if you wish to receive your payment since we have decided to bring a solution to your problem. Do be informed that we reserve the right at our discretion to sue you for damage on recognition of further contact with this people.

You have been approved US$550,000 as a compensation funds.Therefore you are required to contact the Verification department for proper evaluation into your file.Do be informed that your file security code is W53889BR.You are to quote these file number for proper identification when contacting this office.Contact the Head of the Verification Unit::

Name: Prof.Bellow William
E-mail: verificationdepartment.icpcngr@live.com
Direct line: +234-803-85-30542
Fax:+234-80-688228

You are to contact this office upon receipt of this notification immediately to enhance proper consideration and immediate release of your approved compensation funds as the defrauded victim.

Vision:
To fight corruption to a standstill and restore Nigeria to the enviable standard of respectability and dignity within the comity of nations.

Best Regard,
Justice O.David Kenneth Akanbi
(Chairman,Independent Corrupt Practice Commission,ICPC.)

Can they remit some of that sanity to my bank account?

Ratchet Saved

Anyone following Ratchet's story (see a few blogs back) will be pleased to learn that he arrived in the US today to be re-united with the American soldier who rescued him from a burning pile of garbage in Baghdad.

More than 65,000 people signed the Save Ratchet petition, forcing the US Army to relax its strict "no pets" rule.

Prison Break II - Take Your Friends

Good Dog!!

Prison Break

Must Have

Click on the image for a closer look.

Save Ratchet

There's a story on the News website this morning about efforts to save "Ratchet", a dog rescued by US soldiers in Iraq. Apparently, US Army rules prevent the rescuing soldiers from taking Ratchet home.

The story is HERE.

The petition to save Ratchet is HERE. By the time I singed it, more than 32,000 others had done the same.

Baby What?

Thanks to Rove and Peter Helliar for bringing Baby Pee Pee (or Wee Wee, depending on which side of the Atlantic you live) into my life.



Or this one, which is even more disturbing...

Yet Another Representative

They just keep coming. This yesterday...

Dear,Friend.

It is my pleasure to let you know about my success in getting those fund transffered under the cooperation of a new partner from Japan. I didn't forget your past efforts to assist me in transffering those funds.

Now contact my secretary Mr. Sunday Henry his email.
(henry_ifeanyill24@yahoo.co.uk) ask him to send you the total($800.000.00) cheque which I raised for your compensation .so feel free and get intouch with him and give him your address where to send the cheque.Do Let me know immediately you receive it ok.

Best regards,
Dr.Johnson Williams

I replied, of course, because it would be rude not to do so, wouldn't it?


Dear Mr Henry,
I appreciate the notification from Dr Johnson Williams, but unfortunately, problems with the Tax Office here prevent me from accepting delivery of the funds at this time.

Therefore, please be a good chap and invest the $800,000 in Kitty Litter futures. With the current global financial meltdown, my sources tell me there is likely to be a massive world shortage by the end of the year. Those sources have a 100% track record so far, and I'd be foolish to ignore them. Please open the futures account in your name and I'll split the profit with you when we sell early next year. My sources are predicting the price will quadruple by the end of January next year so the $800,000 will become $3.2mil. Your share of the profit would be $1.2mil (if my arithmetic is right).

Thanks

*Sigh* You'd think I have nothing better to do.

Ain't Democracy A Wonderful Thing

My Representative

This arrived in my inbox yesterday...

新しいメールアドレスをお知らせします
新しいメールアドレス：
Good day dear,We have been instructed to effect the release of your funds meanwhile we receive a letter from a lady your rep. instructing us to pay her, do we pay her?
Confirm ASAP- Colly Williams

So of course, I replied...

Yes. Pay her and confirm amount by return email.
She is our representative.

Of course, there is no "her" so I thought that might be the end of it. I was wrong. This came today...

THANKS FOR YOUR URGENT CONFIRMATION, WE WIL PAY HER AS INSTRUCTED. THANKS.
DR COLLY WILLIAMS.

Bizarre.

Where's Wroof! ?

Yep. It's delayed again. If this goes on much longer, Wroof! will start to look like a New South Wales Government project.

But here's why... I'm a bit of a perfectionist. I want Wroof! to be right. I want it to be worth the wait. And each time I tinker with a part of it to make it better, there's a domino effect, which means I need to tinker with another part of it, and then another, and another.

It's close. Really. Just a couple more weeks.

PS. All this explains why postings from Chester The Bear have been a little thin of late.

Logic

We've just changed telephone companies, and received our first invoice today.

The email said this...

Dear Chester,
Please find attached your current invoice for your People Telecom services. A detailed breakdown of the charges is found within the attached invoice.If this invoice has been sent to the incorrect email address, you can change the address online.

Um... so they're sending an email to my incorrect email address to tell me that if it's an incorrect email address, I can change it. Does anyone else see the fatal flaw in that logic?