Happy Fat-Man-In-Red-Suit Day

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

There aren't many things I want or need in this world. The few things on my list are mostly spiritual in nature, and I know that you're a materialistic kind of guy so I've been looking around for the perfect gift for you to bring me pm Christmas Day.

I've decided I like one of these please. No... "like" is a bit mamby-pamby. I WANT one of these, and frankly, I'll be pretty pissed off if, after I've gone to all the trouble of finding it, you don't deliver.

So thanks in anticipation, and yes, I have been a good boy all year.

Chester.

Essential

Exposed

Anyone remember "Global Warming"?

You know... evil humanity destroys all life on earth by triggering cataclysmic climate change caused entirely by over-indulging in greedy consumption of fossil fuels to enrich their selfish pathetic lives. Or something. I think that's how it went.

Apparently, it was a lie, and the people telling the lie clearly knew it. But like all lies, they were eventually undone by their own duplicity.

The unraveling started in a tiny little nation called Australia, which was responsible for just one hundredth of the total "carbon emissions" that were allegedly destroying the world.

It was there that ex-bureaucrat Prime Minister Kevin Dudd announced, with big fanfare, his government's commitment to reduce that country's "carbon emissions" by a whopping 5% by introducing a new "carbon tax', which he then promised to give back to everyone who asked. Yes, finally, a government had found a way to tax the air you breathed.

Now some maths are important here... five percent of one percent is five ten thousandths which, last time I checked, is hardly anything at all. I mean, imagine you have a hundred bucks, and you accidentally lose 5c. Or let's say you're on a two hour and forty five minute flight, and the captain announces that you're going to arrive five seconds ahead of time. Yes, That's the amount by which Prime Minister Dudd was going to reduce "carbon emissions".

Remember too, that 5 percent of 1 percent was actually 5 percent of 1 percent of 2 percent, the two percent being the total contribution to all of the world's "carbon emissions" made by human activity. So Kevin Dudd was prosing to cut, by Australia's action, the total amount of "carbon emissions" going into the atmosphere each year by one one hundred thousandth. That was such a small amount that the instruments capable of measuring that reduction don’t exist.

It was a joke. It must have been, because surely, if "Global Warming" was the problem everyone was being told it was, and "carbon emissions" were to blame, then governments around the world would actually be doing something about it. After all, the technology existed to fix it. All that was missing was the will.

That's when people started realising that this Global Warming thing was a scam. They realised that the government's policy was all spin and rhetoric, with no substance at all. They realised it was all about raising taxes and about ideological dogma. They realised it was about "giving the masses something else to worry about" to distract them from inept and corrupt government.

They realised it was pathetic.

Homeless World Cup

They've just finished playing the "Homeless World Cup" football (soccer) tournament in Melbourne. Hundreds of (homeless) players from 56 countries were flown in for this week-long tournament, which was apparently won by Afghanistan (who beat Russia 5-4).

Oh... where do I start...?

Look. I feel awfully sorry for homeless people. There, but for the grace of God (and the generosity of family) go I. No-one actually chooses to be homeless. Well... nearly no-one anyway.

It is therefore natural that I support any initiative that makes their lives better, in so far as everyone "supports" initiatives that makes their lives better, keeps their smell away, and hides them out of site so we can get on with our Christmas shopping.

I guess, in this respect, bundling them onto an aeroplane and sending them somewhere else serves a real purpose, in much the same way that Rudi Guilianni served a similar purpose when, as Mayor of New York, he scooped up all the homeless people he could find and bought them a one way bus ticket to San Francisco (where many remain today).

But is this really "helping"?

The Homeless World Cup website contains some interesting statistics. For example, there are around 200,000 homeless people in Canada, costing the Canadian economy $6billion a year. If you put your calculator through its paces, you'll soon realise that this is $30,000 a year each, which, if handed to each homeless person, would deliver an income so far over the poverty line that there are people in full time employment who go to bed at night dreaming of an salary that high.

Of course, it isn't handed out to homeless people. It's spent on "programmes" which, you'd have to conclude, haven't really done much to reduce the numbers of "homeless".

I suspect, too, that "homeless" means different things in different parts of the world. Think about it... the Afghan National Football Team could probably qualify as "homeless" given the crappy state of affairs over there. It's no wonder they won. The same could be said for Zimbabwe and a long list of other tin-pot African disaster zones. And let's face it... "homeless in New York" is going to mean something very different to "homeless in Mogadishu". This is reflected by the number of competitors who came to Melbourne, saw how good the homeless there have it, and immediately applied for assylum.

Put yourself in their shoes. Here you are, living on the street, eeking out an existence and barely surviving from one day to the next. The following day, you're on a plane to Australia, you're put up in a hotel, you're fed and clothed, and your only worry for seven days is whether you kick he ball to the wing or the midfield. Then you're bundled back on a plane, and the following day, you're trying to shoo away some homeless guy who moved into your spot under that overpass while you were away.

Not that I begrudge any of them the trip, and the respite from the desparation of their lives. Good luck to them, and I hope they had a great time.

But at the end of the tournament, where does that leave the homeless?

Millions of dollars spent. Sponsorships. Press releases. The usual 1:1 ratio of hangers-on pretending they're really helping. And a select and very lucky few who got to do something which, even by the standards of the non-homeless where they live, was extraordinary.

The answer is "still homeless".

Suspended?

I was flicking around the channels looking for something moderately interesting to watch at 5.30 this morning (couldn't sleep... feeling it now... bloody tired). We have Fox cable with the whiz bang on screen TV guide thingmy, to aid in viewing choice.

Fox Sports had this synopsis...

NY Giants v Philadelphia

The Giants will be without star receiver Plaxico Burress, suspended for 4 weeks for accidentally shooting himself.

I'm sure it's an old story for those of you living in the Excited States, but for the rest of us, the whole concept is absurd.

Phew

Yes. It's nearly finished. I'm referring to Wroof!, my fab content manager that I stupidly announced would go line on August 24.

It's been a slog, and the hold up has been a complete rewrite of the part of the user control panel that alows you to create stories.

At 10.22 this morning, that task was done, tested and ready to go.

To be honest, I feel a little empty. I mean, this bloody project has been all consuming and the last three months have been a vivid demonstration of the need to know what you're doing before you start doing it.

There's still a little way to go, but the rest is definitely downhill... just some loose ends to tie up which would only take a few days.

And after that, I get I'll have to do some real work.