Save Mohammad

The last known picture of Mohammad Bear, in disguise and on the run in Sudan. Unfortunately, being a bear, Mohammad didn't understand the finer points of religious differentiation.

For those of you who've been living under a rock for the last few days, there's a rather disturbing story out of Sudan.

Gillian Gibbons, a 54-year-old teacher at the Unity High School in Khartoum, was arrested on Monday after complaints from parents that she had insulted the Prophet Mohammad. Her "crime"? She allowed her class (of mostly Muslim students) to name their class teddy bear "Mohammad". Apparently, the Sudanese think Allah is so fragile that He might be offended that a stuffed bear might bare (sorry) his Prophet's name, and Article 125 of the Sudanese Penal Code makes it an offence to publicly insult or degrade any religion, its rites, beliefs and sacred items, or humiliate its believers (unless, of course, they're Jewish, in which case, they're fair game).

Yesterday, Gillian was sentenced to 15 days in prison, followed by deportation. She avoided the maximum penalty of six months in jail, 40 lashes and a fine, but the bit of Sudan that's not prison is such a shit hole that I can't even imagine what prison would be like.

Sadly, there has been no news of the fate of Mohammed Bear, the innocent victim of all this extremism.

I have made several attempts to contact Mohammad Bear today, but he can not be found and I fear for his safety. Is he in hiding, or is he yet another faceless victim of oppression in the name of religion?

We must do something to save Mohammad Bear. Write to your local Member of Parliament (or congress, or whatever it is you call it where you come from). Call your local talk back radio station. Buy a "Save Mohammad" T-Shirt. And, of course, make a generous donation to "The Save Mohammad Rescue Fund" that will be hiring a team of mercenaries to enter Sudan, kick some butt and get him out of there.

Mohammad Bear... today, our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Ten More Sleeps

I feel like a 9 year old just a few days out from my first trip to Disneyland. That's a strange feeling for this Bear, who, for about ten years, lived one of those crazy unsustainable corporate high flyer lives with an almost unlimited travel budget, and who's record was 13 trips around the world in 12 months. Actually, I distinctly remember saying, when I walked away from that stupid life 6 years ago, that if I never set foot on another aeroplane, it would be too soon.

That hasn't dampened the excitement. Ten more sleeps, and Dr J and I are off to a conference in Las Vegas.

It's been 3 years since I was last in the Excited States, and there are some really dumb things I miss... like Taco Bell (which the ex, aka The Evil One, once described as "slop"), or the french fries at In'n'Out Burger, fresh cut from real spuds and tasing suspiciously like potato... or the LA Freeway System, which, when it's not in gridlock, is about as much fun as one can have behind the wheel of a regular car.

I miss the energy and creativity in America... qualities that are often treated with jealous disdain here in Oz... and I miss the stupidity of the place... like the disclaimer on the bottom of the hotel room service menu that basically says eating any of the food this hotel serves may be injurious to your health.

I can't wait.

First, two days in Long Beach, which is one of my favourite parts of LA. Next, a drive to Vegas via "The Big Thermometer", which must be nearly as lame as "The Big Banana", "The Big Marino" and "The Big Prawn" here in Oz. We'll also be stopping at every outlet mall we can find, just because we can, and then it's 6 nights in a hotel that's supposed to be what Americans think some other part of the world looks like.

I'm getting excityed just writing about it. And we get to catch up with CAW, which is probably the most fun bit.

Post conference, it's back in car, drive down to Newport Beach for a night with old friends, then back on the 'plane for home.

Except that when one has travelled as much as this Bear, one learns how to work the airline system... so we're flying Air Tahiti Nui across the Pacific, which is less than half the price of the Sydney LA direct flight with either Qantas or United. Go figure. The downside is that we have to have a "compulsory stopover" on the way home. For 5 nights. In Tahiti . (Yay. I finally get to spend those bloody Pacific Francs I've been carrying around for the last 6 years.)

Yes. It's a sacrifice, but we'll cope.

Ten more sleeps.

Thanksgiving Reminder

Just a reminder to all my American friends... this week, the week after Thanksgiving, is the absolute best week to travel to any American tourist attraction.

Disneyland... no queues, even at the best rides.
Universal Studios... no queues, even at the best rides.
Empire State Building... no queues.
Seaworld... no queues.
Niagra Falls... no-one else in the photo

Don't say I didn't remind you.

Cooking For Her

The Men's Own Guide To Seduction Through Food

I'll admit, up front, that I'm not a brilliant cook, and I've been known to burn the toast on more than one occasion. Those cooking shows on TV are about as interesting as watching bread go mouldy, and cook books are written in an entirely foreign language, laced with just enough cooking jargon to make men feel really stupid in any indoor cooking situation. (This reverses outdoors, where men are the undisputed Lords of the BBQ, but that's another post.)

However, in this liberated world of equality, men are expected to have at least some culinary skill, so I have managed to cobble together a repetoire of a half dozen or so truly yummy dishes that are guaranteed to impress. And believe me, whip up a scrumptious dish and that next love of your life (or maybe even current love of your life) is really impressed. In Australia, we call such things "leg openers", but I'm not sure I can use that in a family blog like this one.

In my last post, I mentioned "Singapore Noodles". Now I'm not really sure if what I cook is this dish from the equatorial orient, but it doesn't matter.

Follow along... this is so quick and easy, and it makes you look like a candidate for a Michelin award...

Before you start, here's your shopping list:
500g (1lb) of minced chicken
1 white onion
1 red capsicum (in the Excited States, I think you call this a red pepper, or bell pepper... it's big, red and shiny, and about the size of your fist.)
2 or 3 big sticks of celery
2 eggs
1 jar of minced garlic
1 bottle of Satay Sauce (make sure you get one without MSG)
1 packet of Egg Noodle Vermicelli (the really thin egg pasta that comes looking like little bird's nests)
Some cooking oil. (Coconut oil is best, not just for this, but for anything, and butter is next best. Never cook with margarine.)

Seriously. Go down to the supermarket and buy everything that's on the list. I don't care if you think you've got a jar of garlic mince in your pantry... it's probably been there since your last serious love tried cooking something for you on NYE 1999. And while you're there, pick up an acrylic chopping board. Chopping food on the benchtop isn't the most intelligent way to blow your security deposit. You might also want one of those wooden spatula things, because you're going to need something to sir everything with.

Ok. Back from the supermarket and ready to go? Here's the first step... and this is REALLY important. Wash your hands. With soap. Nothing spoils the taste of a meal quite as quickly as engine grease.

Now get your knives ready. You know. Kitchen knives. They're sharp. You've seen them in all the movies, and contrary to popular belief, they're there for chopping things like onion and celery, and not for throwing at (or by) Steven Segall. If you're lucky, they live in a big wooden block on your kitchen benchtop.

Peel the onion and chop. Just remember not to rub your eyes with those onion soaked fingers.

Wash the capsicum under cold running water and cut it in half. You'll see that it's mostly hollow, except for some white stuff and a few seeds. Scoop these out. This is important because I remember being told, once, that they might be poison.

Wash the celery and chop each stick into little pieces.

Get a big frypan, turn on the heat to med-high, and put enough oil or butter in to cover the bottom of the pan to about 1mm (1/16"). Throw in the chopped onion, celery and capsicum. Keep stirring until the onion starts to go brown and the celery starts to soften, then take the frypan off the heat and empty the contents into a bowl. Keep the bowl close... you're going to need it in a moment or two.

Get your big pot of water on the heat. You're going to need it boiling by about the time you've finished the next step, so start it sooner rather than later. Remember to throw a little salt into the water. Hey... don't ask why! Just do it, ok.

Now put the empty frypan back on the heat. You may or may not need more cooking oil... use a little common sense here, I can't be there cooking it for you.

Put the chicken mince in the frypan, breaking up the big lump of mince, chopping it with that spatula you bought to break it down into ever smaller pieces. It has to be cooked until the chicken isn't pink any more, but when it's about half done, that is, half pink and half not pink, put in two or three generous spoonfulls of the minced garlic. What sized spoon? Teaspoon? Tablespoon? Whatever... you have to eat it... so the more garlic you put in it, the more it will taste of garlic. I use about two big tablespoons.

Right after the garlic, break the two eggs into the mince. Try not to get any shell in there... she doesn't want a crunchy surprise in this dish.

You have to keep stirring all this, because you want the egg and garlic stirred through the whole mix, and you want to break up the chicken mince so it's not cooking in big clumps.

When there's no more pink chicken to be seen, pour enough of the satay sauce into the pan to just colour the chicken. That's probably about half the bottle... more is not better.

Put the vegetables back into the frypan with the mince. Stir so that it's all mixed up.

In the meantime, your water should now be boiling, so it's time to put cook the pasta. Use the whole packet... no... take the pasta out of the packet... boiled plastic isn't part of the recipe. Remember that you're actually making enough food for four people (or for the two of you, with lots of yummy leftovers).

The pasta will cook in about 5 minutes. Check it periodically by getting a single strand out and eating it. If it's got a hard centre, it's not done. By the way... don't use your fingers to fish out that strand. That is a pot of boiling water.

While the pasta's cooking, turn down the heat on the frypan and stir occasionally. Taste it. You might want to add a little more garlic.

Drain the pasta when it's cooked. You'll need a strainer of some sort, and not one from the garage. If you don't have one, put it on your shopping list at the supermarket. Once the pasta's drained, empty into a deep bowl or dish, and pour the the ckicken/vegetable/egg mix over the top.

And serve.

Yumm.

True Addiction

Dr J retired early last night, leaving Scooter, Mini, Zac and me huddled on the lounge together watching re-runs of Stargate SG1. Ok. They weren't so much watching as jostling for "prime"position, every now and then shuffling themselves closer to the petting hand, or, in Zac's case, juggling the desire to be on-lap with the need to defend his bone which had found its way onto the floor near my feet.

Picture it. A tall glass of iced tea just out of reach on the coffee table. Friday night. The Sci-fi Channel. Occasional dozing. Soft furry critters draped over various parts of me. Some would call it the perfect evening, made even more perfect by the generous portion of the left over Singapore Noodle dish (see next post) I'd whipped up the night before. "So why", I asked myself, "am I so restless?"

Really restless. That jittery, fidgety restlessness more at home in an amphetamine addict.

And in a flash, I knew. I HAD to have a peanut M&M. NOW. "No", I kept telling myself. "You've had quite enough to eat, and the last thing your bulging tummy needs is an M&M."

For twenty minutes, the argument raged in my head. It was war, and the more I tried to block it out, the harder it got to think of anything else. I was understanding the nature of true addiction. It wasn't that I simply wanted to indulge myself with an M&M. I NEEDED an M&M. There was no alternative to me having an M&M, and I will confess that I found this a little confronting because I'm a strong willed individual with a marginally higher than average IQ who ought to be able to control a stupid craving like that.

But no. I just had to have one.

I pressed "Pause" on the Foxtel Box, reached for my wallet and headed for the door... and with a "pop", the power went out, not just at our place, but across the whole block, which included the all night convenience store just around the corner.

There's nothing like deprivation to focus one's thoughts, and by the time I'd rounded the corner and arrived at the darkened store, I actually didn't want an M&M any more. I just needed to remember where I put those candles.

Extreme Chauvanism

Just for fun, it's time to be a little provocative. First, GO HERE. (It will open in a new window.)

Now try to tell me you don't find a little bit of truth buried in that provocation.

American Football Would Be More Interesting If It Was More Like This

Maybe it's because this game looks a lot more like the "football" I'm used to watching... aka Rugby Union & Rugby League... but I've often wondered why NFL coaches don't do more of this. It would make the game far more interesting.

And someone get that commentator a valium. Quickly, before his ticker explodes.

They Read Chester Where?

I received a note from Clustr Maps today, letting me know that I've had my map for a year and it's about to be archived. That means all the little red dots are about to disappear and they'll be starting again. They do this, so they say, because they don't want the map becoming a "big red smear".

That gave me the opportunity to brag a little. I mean... look at all those dots! It's baffling. Why would someone in Santiago or Moscow want to read my blog? There's even a dot in Nigeria, so maybe the Lads are reading too!

Ah well. In the next few days, there will be an empty map again.

By the way, I'm happy to give Clustr Maps a plug here, so if you want a Clustr Map of your own, you can get one for free by clicking HERE.

Anyway... thank you to everyone to has taken the time to drop by. I hope you enjoyed the experience.

The Weather

My thanks to the team on Channel Seven's "Sunrise" program for airing this clip.

More Bureaucrats

Bureaucrats force us to confuse consumers by changing the label at the top to the label at the bottom. Note the name of the product, changed from "Vitamin D3", which everyone knows and understands, to "Cholecalciferol" which no-one can even pronounce.

Our Prime Minister made a comment this week that was closer to the truth than anything ever uttered by any politician in this or any other election.

He was responding to criticism that his government had ignored the advice of departments in allocating grants in some regional development scheme. And he said this...

If governments were always going to follow the advice of the bureaucrats, then why are we bothering to have an election this weekend. The politicians should all just go home and the bureaucrats can run the country.

Um... they already do Johnny. Governments come and go, but the bureaucracy stays the same, with hands firmly on the tiller.

This week, a second front re-opened in my war on bureaucracy, or perhaps that should be "bureaucracy's war on me", because I don't start these fights, but it seems that whenever I'm confronted by rigid midless thinking, I just can't stop myself.

Please forgive what follows, because it's a boring rant that's unlikely to hold your attention to the end, but I need to get it off my chest so too bad.

We have a Vitamin D product. I won't go into the ins and outs of Vitamin D... just believe me when I say a) it's good for you, and b) you're probably not getting enough.

Vitamin D is sold the world over as Vitamin D3, and is usually measured in International Units.

We have a nice label for our Vitamin D. It's strong and clear. Buy our Vitamin D and you get what it says you get... no extravagant claims about curing exotic diseases, no ambiguous language... just Vitamin D.

This week, we received a ruling from the Therapeutic Goods Administration, a self perpetuating bureaucracy which places rigid adherance to rules above looking after the health of the citizens, a role for which is was specifically and expressly created.

We have to change the label. First, we're not allowed to call it Vitamin D any more. According to the rules, all supplements sold in Australia must be named according to the "Approved Name", which is usually the scientific name. We have to call Vitamin D "Cholecalciferol". If that was really what the regulations say (and we don't believe it is), then your garlic pills would be called "Allium Sativum", and your Vitamin C would be "Asorbic Acid" (or Calcium Ascorbate as the Ascorbic Acid actually has to be attached to something).

It's an idiotic regulation, and this Bear can't help but think it's specifically designed to confuse the crap out of consumers.

It gets worse though. We can't say ours is 1000 IU any more. We have to say it's 25 mcg (which is the same thing).

Ok. I can understand the desire to standardise, but here's the problem... if you walked into a store and saw our "Cholecalciferol 25mcg" next to our competitor's "Vitamin D 1000 IU", which one would you buy? That's because the regulations only get enforced if your product gets audited, which is about one in 5 products. The rest don't get audited, so they can say whatever they need to say so that the consumer understands what is being offered.

It's infuriating, and it got even worse than that. On our label, we said "Some sunscreens may interfere with your body's production of Vitamin D." That's self evident, because the UV rays the sunscreens are specifically designed to block are the same UV rays that make your body produce Vitamin D.

We didn't say why that's important. We didn't tell consumers about a increase in the overall cancer rate directly related to a drop in Vitamin D caused by people using too much sunscreen, and we didn't mention specific cancers like breast cancer, where women who get plenty of sun have a 50% lower change of getting it than women who avoid the sun or always use sunscreen. No. We didn't say any of those things. We just stated a fact... using sunscreen blocks Vitamin D production.

We were told we're not allowed to say that because "it encourages unsafe sun practices".

That's when my fuse blew. I told the TGA that the only unsafe sun practice is staying out of the sun, and if they persisted with forcing these changes to our label, then I will file a formal complaint each time a come across a competitor's product that doesn't "conform", such that they will be so buried in work they will forget what a weekend is. The error in that statement, of course, is that they're bureaucrats, so rigid adherence to rules, and not outcomes are important, and the rules say the hours of work shall be 9am to 5pm, which means the work just won't get done, which means they'll need to hire more people, which means the fees will go up. I don't care. Whole nations (you know who you are) have been built on revolt against this sort of stupidity.

I have no doubt the bureaucrats in question believe they're doing the job they're paid to do, and doing it to the best of their ability. It is simply their rigid thinking that depresses me, and it makes me want, more and more, to just run off and grow vegetables.

None Of The Above

We have a Federal Election next weekend here in Australia, and that's given me pause (or should that be paws) to reflect on just how dumb politicians are, and how much dumber we voters are to put up with them.

I won't go into the nitty gritty of this election campaign except that to describe it as boring as batshit would be doing a disservice to guano.

On one side, you have a government trying to convince people we've never been better off, which is probably true, and pointing out that 70% of the other side are ex-union officials.

And on the other side, you have a bunch on ex-union officials trying to convince people that the government has run out of ideas, while at the same time copying all of the government's policies.

One says "we have a plan for the future", and it's going to be much the same as it is now, while the other says "we have a real plan for the future", without actually having much of a plan beyond putting a laptop on every school desk, which may be an admirable policy, but hardly falls into the category of "plan for the future".

What's actually missing from both sides is a genuine plan for the future. What's missing is real vision, and an ability to think beyond the next election, or even much beyond this election.

One side says "we'll sign the Kyoto Protocol", which is a complete waste of time and energy, while the other says "we need something better than Kyoto" without actually saying what that means.

One side says "we'll stay in Iraq until the job's done", without telling us what the "job" is, or how long it might take, while the other side says "we'll get our combat troops out of Iraq by Christmas", without telling us that we don't actually have any combat troops in Iraq any more.

One side says "we'll give you $30b in tax cuts", while the other says "we'll give you $30b in tax cuts". Forgive me for my cynicism, but a) it's our money to start off with, so I'm hardly going to be thankful when someone who takes it suddenly decides to give it back, and b) if they've got $30b more than they need, how come they're only finding out about it now?

And given that the extra four bucks a week they're promising isn't really going to make that much difference, can't they find something more worthwhile to spend it on?

There's nothing coming from either side that tells us what they're going to do about building the sort of Australia our great grand children would want to live in. In short, there's no vision. Politics is all about saying and doing anything to get and/or stay in power. Statesmanship and leadership are all about vision, patience and wisdom. Sadly, politics and statesmanship are mutually exclusive.

The reason for that is simple, and it's the same the world over... the politics of the so called "right" is dry, boring, and pretty much thinks it can leave the future in the hands of "the market", which really means our future is driven by self-interest and greed. Politicians on the right tend to be unimaginative accountants and lawyers who are incapable of seeing the future as a different place.

The politics of the so called "left" is short sighted, misguided and generally driven by a "big brother knows best" mentality, which means they focus on the trees (both literally and metaphorically), and can't see the forest. Politicians on the left tend to either be misguided bleeding hearts incapable of seeing a big picture, or they're persuing some agenda driven by jealousy and a belief that somehow, life is unfair, and it's their sacred mission to make it fair.

Neither side understands that true leadership means getting out of the day-to-day lives of people, and instead thinking not 3 or 4, but 30 or 40 years into the future.

It's a shame. I don't know who will win the election here, and to be honest, given the appalling quality of both sides, I actually don't much care because the choice looks like it's coming down to "worse and worser".

If I had the money, I'd hire Brewster and we'd run a "None of the Above!" campaign. Maybe, if we all did that, instead of treating us with contempt, these bozos would start to get the message.

Gullibility

I've received a lot of communication in my time from the Lads in Nigeria...

There was poor Mrs Maxwell dying of liver cancer who wanted to share her late husband, General Setaseni Maxwell's not inconsiderable fortune with me, and for whom we established the Maxwell Smart Foundation.

There was Barraster Nkomo who wanted to share the estate of the late Sir Johnathan Bear, who was tragically killed, along with his entire family, in a plane crash. He was writing to anyone named "Bear", in the hope of finding a long lost relative who could lay claim to the $106m kept in a trunk at a self-storage facility just outside Mombasa.

Or there was someone named Mr Charles Togo, who at least had the honesty to write and say he was onto a big scam, because as the assistant to the Secretary of Finance, he had the ability to move huge sums of money, and if I helped him, we could share the bounty and both be very rich indeed.

Today, though, there was a change of tactic. The above fax was waiting on my machine this morning. Just in case the picture's not really clear, it's on FBI letterhead (or at least, something that's supposed to look like FBI letterhead), and says this...

FBI New York. 26 Federal Plaza, 23rd. Floor. New York, New York 10278-0004.
Tel / Fax:.+1 646-805-2921
Our Ref: FBI/ 847O40 / 07.
November 2, 2007.
Attn: Fund Beneficiary.

We have finally resolved to notify you that we have been monitoring all your communications within Africa, hence it is part of our obligation and mandate to protect lives and properties.

The FBI hereby advice that you maintain a cordial correspondence with only ''Mr. Williams Cole' of Citibank Group London on tel: +44 7045 765 732, fax: +44 8701336897 or Email: info_bfflcole@yahoo.co.uk. & customercare@citibankgroups.com hence our team of anti fraud special agents has duely certified him as the only person that has the capacity to release your over-due payment that has been tired down in Nigeria for a long time.

It may amaze you to know that, we have been taking notice and records of all the money that you have been sending through western union / money gram to Nigeria and other African countries, for the purpose of actualizing your goal desire of receiving your over-due payment.

You are hereby cautioned to stop further dealings with any unauthorized person / individuals in African, Europe and other parts of the world.

If you fail to adhere to this directive, we shall have no other alternative than to come after you for possible prosecution for abating financial crime based on the huge fund transfers you have placed on international route.

Our agents are keeping a close tab on you, so you are once again cautioned to discontinue any form of communique with all those people that have been ripping you off.

It is imperative to let you know at this juncture that powers to pay or cancel any contractual / inheritance payment has been solely vested on Citibank Group London with the stated exclusive payment referrals code #: FBI/RF/CITI/GP/O07, you are to quote the above referrals code upon inquiry so as to authenticate your claims for onward release of the funds to as the bonafide recipient beneficiary.

Finally, be rest assured that the federal government of Nigeria knows that they are being monitored to ensure the release without unnecessary delays this time around or else they shall face the necessary action(s) as prescribed.

Yours sincerely

Mr. Fred Jones. Fredjones646@peoplepc.com
Assistant Director.
Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Awesome.

The creativity. The eloquence. Absolutely fantastic, with more imagination than a room full of Disney writers.

Oh... and SOOOO believable.
No? Come on. Why wouldn't the FBI be keeping tabs on a subversive like CT Bear? In this age of terrorism and uncertainty, who knows what these soft round paws could get up to.

And why wouldn't an FBI agent have an email address at "peoplepc.com"? He's probably under cover, or maybe People PC is a front organisation, an FBI incarnation of Universal Imports. Whatever. This certainly re-affirms my faith that all that loot is coming my way. That I have never heard from any of the suspects mentioned in the email, and that I definitely haven't sent anyone any money is irrelevant. I want my money now!

I so much wanted to write back, but decided that this week, I just have more important things to do.

The Nature Of The Species III

There's nothing like a little group pressure.

Battling The Bureacrats... Round 21

It's on again... Chester Vs The Bureaucracy is a life or death struggle for common sense.

Here's the background... if you've been reading this blog for too long, then apart from needing to get out more, you'll know we have a little retail store. It was supposed to be a "pilot store", to test new products and concepts before we rolled the whole thing out across the country. Sadly, because we've been losing a battle with some loonie bureaucrats in the Federal Government, we don't have enough products so we've abandoned the whole "retail stores" idea.

Which leaves us with this space at a place in Sydney called "The Entertainment Quarter", a shopping mall attached to Fox Studios (which was supposed to have been a "Universal Studios" type theme park, but instead found itself being a real film studio). The problem is, the rules and regulations governing what we can and can't do there were written on the assumption that it was a theme park, and that makes this exercise a little "interesting".

We've been scratching for something else to do with the space, and because it's important to the story, I will tell you that what we're thinking about involves film, tv and entertainment. That's good, because those rules for development on the site, as set out in something they call a "Planning Instrument", dictate that anything we do, other than a restaurant or specialty retail, must be film, tv or entertainment related (or a theme park attraction, which we're not allowed to do because the local residents don't want roller coasters there).

So we're proposing a TV production company, of sorts, and we thought that would be ok because the Planning Instrument specifically says that's ok. Or so we thought...

First, we have to submit a "Development Application" to change from what we're doing to what we want to do. I can understand that the City want's to make sure that whatever we're doing is appropriate for the area. What I don't understand is why we need to hire an architect to create drawings that show them that we're going to pull out a non structural stud wall. One that we put in when we set the store up two years ago. One wall... 9m long.

We have to provide SIX sets of plans, together with SIX copies of something called a "Statement of Environmental Effects". The latter is now a 50 page tome, in which we've needed to dissect every bit of legislation pertaining to the site, and to what we've got in mind, proving that we're actually allowed to do what we're applying to do. Oh... I forgot to mention that along with all those trees, we're to provide the whole thing electronically, on CD-Rom. Why? Because they don't like storing all that tree extract (paper) in their archive.

50 pages. And growing, to apply to do something that's expressly and specifically allowed under legislation created just for that site. 50 pages. Of bullshit.

For example, we have to show that we have a "Conservation Strategy". Part of that is a statement of effect on Heritage or Historically Significant Property. Um. We're ripping out a Gyprock wall. It's two years old. What part of that is supposed to have historical significance?

In another section, we're expected to outline the strategies we're incorporating into our development that will help combat global warming. What? Um. It's a 72sqm shop. It's tiny. Even if I was in the "we evil humans did it" camp, which you know I'm not, the impact of whatever we're doing is so insignificant as to be utterly irrelevant.

Of course, there's one thing I've learned about bureaucrats... that that is that, by and large, they don't actually care about outcomes. They're only concerned about processes, so as long as they have a box to tick, we're ok, and that means I've written some very nice words about energy efficient light bulbs.

And because the site is actually owned by The Centennial Park Trust, another bureaucracy, we need to get the whole thing signed off by them first.

*sigh*

I think my head just exploded.

More Great Advertising...

Regular readers will know that I love great advertising.

A great friend of mine sent me this today.



Thanks Si.

The Nature Of The Species II

If you really want to understand why that "truth" thing is so important in our lives, take a look at this fabulous little video from Dr Joseph Mercola.

This is a more accurate portrayal of the real world, especially in Medicine, than anything else I've seen or read.

Everyone "sees" their own truth, guided by their own vested interest and their own perspective of the world. We see how that "truth" is distorted every day, from healthcare to global warming.

Someone a great deal smarter than I am once told me, way back in my advertising traineeship days, that perception is reality. "Reality", he said, "is irrelevant. It is only people's perception of reality that's important. What they think is, is way more important than what really is."

And it doesn't matter how objective we try to be, because even our objectivity is distorted by our reality.

That cave is looking more and more inviting.

The Nature Of The Species

There was an interesting commentary by journalist Andrew Bolt on today's News website, the reaction to which says a great deal about human nature and the things we choose to believe.

Bolt's story is headlined "The War in Iraq Has Been Won", and in it, Bolt presents a picture of Iraq that's very different to the one most of us probably believe.

The story, of itself, is either "spot on", "interesting", or "a fantasy", or "sicophantic US biased propaganda", depending on your political leaning, your love for or hatred of America, and your current belief system.

Some while back, I wrote a piece or two about the nature of evidence, and how the human brain assigns value to information. For those who missed it, I suggested that humans assign value according to two factors. The first is how closely the information you're given reflects what you already believe. The closer the two, the greater value your brain assigns to the information. The second is how trustworthy you deem the source, and while that might sound obvious, it has as much to do with the form... that is, how it looks... as it does with the trustworthiness of the source.

I've believed for some time that the popular view of the war in Iraq is distorted, and that things on the ground in Iraq, while still awful, are nowhere near as bad as populist media and the far left of politics portrays. Bolt provides some interesting evidence which confirms my preconception, so I thought the article fell into the "spot on" basket. Sadly (from my perspective), many of those commenting had a very different take-out and it made me wonder again about the nature of "truth".

Truth, you see, is entirely in the eye of the beholder. Two people of opposing views could take the time to actually go to Iraq and see it form themselves, and, after looking at exactly the same things and talking to exactly the same people, they are likely to come back with entirely different views of what is or isn't happening there.

I don't "know" what the truth is in Iraq. I've simply formed a view based on a) the things I've heard, and b ) what experience has taught me about the nature of information and political bias. I read a lot, listen to way too much talk news and talk radio, and spend far too much time watching TV, so I think I'm well informed. That makes me, in my view, more likely to be right, but hey... I've been wrong once or twice before so this could be #3. The point is, I don't know, and never really will.

That gap just shows us how easily our minds can be manipulated by people who want us to conform to their beliefs.

Ah well... I guess it's just the nature of the species, and I have this overwhelming urge to run off to some mountain somewhere and spend the rest of my life on my own in a cave. Anyone want to come?