The loose translation of that would be "it takes all kinds to make a world". Yup. All kinds, though this morning, I am struggling to understand the mind of a person who would buy something like this...
We're not talking cute clothes for baby here. People with babies lose higher thinking faculties and so whatever they do can be put down to a temporary failure of reason. No. This is a doll, described by its makers as "So Truly Real"TM that you'll "love him like your own".I thought I'd better go to the website and see what other methods of money extraction this company has, and... um...
There's Tiny Miracle Emmy, a premature-baby doll you can hold in your hand. Emmy's also So Truly Real TM, and she's "an amazing 25cm" long, which is a curious way to describe the size of anything that's not bigger than an Airbus A380 or smaller than a grape seed but I suppose we should cut the copy writers some slack.What about "Jack the Little Rooster"...
"Jack, the Little Rooster" – a baby doll So Truly Real you'll love him like your own! "Jack" is incredibly lifelike, from his RealTouch™ vinyl skin to his hand-applied hair, appealing brown eyes and irresistible expression. He even has carefully applied fingernails and toenails. Pick him up and he looks and feels like a real baby! "Jack" comes to you in an adorable hand-tailored rugby league-inspired outfit, including cap, shoes and socks. Once you hold him, look into his happy face and love him, you'll be convinced he's So Truly Real! "Jack" comes with a FREE "Adoption Certificate"."Love him like your own"??? "Looks and feels like a real baby"??? I'll bet he doesn't smell like a real baby, and scream in the middle of the night like a real baby, though I suppose if he did, unlike the real thing, at least you could send him back.
You can also get Ben the Little Eagle , Timmy the Little Bomber, Bobbie the Little Magpie, Bill the Little Eel, Tom the Little Raider, Sam the Little Bronco, Nicholas the Little Sea Eagle, Jamie the Little Knight, Liam the Little Tiger, Josh the Little Cowboy and Ryan the Little Panther, each dressed in their appropriate team regalia with certificates etc, and each with that (am I allowed to say 'retarded'?) facial expression, and a name so archetypally matched to the part of Australia the football team represents that my level of respect for the aforementioned copy writers has been considerably raised.
But then there's "Hanging Out With Hannah", and I think I'll leave it to the copy to tell you all about her...
Remember what it's like to have an eight year old around? Collectible doll artist Julie Fischer certainly does, and so she's created "Hannah," a long-limbed, lively strawberry blonde with bright eyes, unruly hair, and a non-stop, personality that will amaze you! To enhance the look of a real little girl, this vinyl doll wears cross-stich embroidered overalls over a pink blouse with lace trim. She even has tiny flower earrings with sparkling pink stones! Such a pretty girl! Best of all, Hannah is constructed and weighted so you can pose her almost anyway you can think of! Nominated for the 2005 DOTY Award, this exclusive Julie Fischer doll from Ashton-Drake is such a realistic doll that you simply must have her for yourself. One look and you'll love Hannah forever – order now!
So... um... are they saying Hannah is the doll of choice for paedophiles everywhere?
Or perhaps she's just the perfect gift for sad old tarts who forgot to have children. At least they didn't have to wreck their figures and surrender their social lives to have her, though I do have an image in my head such that I'm reasonably sure an excess of assorted comfort foods wrecked that figure a very long time ago, and there hasn't been much of a social life for quite a while either.
Are they serious? This is a life sized eight year old, um, no... what I mean is that this is a life sized replica of an eight year old. And how can a doll have a "non-stop personality"?Does anyone else find this a little creepy? Except for the distinct advantage that having Hannah strapped into the front seat of the car would bring (when you were trying to get to the office in a hurry and wanted to use the T2 transit lane), why would you want one of these?
Ah well. Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations. The world would be a very boring place if we were all the same.
(If you want to see much more noice (that's not a typo, it's a pronunciation) and rather creepy "collactables", go HERE.)
9 comments:
once my hysterical laughter eased....this blog is SO funny.The hannah doll is definite paedophilic accessory material and no 8 year old in her right mind would wear such horrendous outfit.I couldnt sleep with that thing in the house..
"Does anyone else find this a little creepy?"
A little?
Haven't I seen stuff like this in horror movies? Doesn't it usually come to life and start hacking people up with a knife or electrocuting them in the pool or tub?
I think you left out the most frightening part, the price.
:-)
Timmy the Little Bomber? Tommy the Little Raider? Who's next? Charlie the Little Car Thief? Robbie the Little Robber? Why does Jasmine look so sad about going to Grandma house?
This is one sad old tart who forgot to have children who's going to have nightmares over that Tiny Miracle Emmy doll. And you are right, Hannah is without a doubt perfect for kiddy fiddlers, shudder.
Very disturbing. Very very disturbing. Especially how you can bend that 10 year old into any possition imaginable.
Definately a toy for creepos into kiddy-porn.
It won a *prize* ?!
Bend her any way I like ?
{shudder}
This crap so cracks me up - I keep waiting for them to invent a remote control version of little steve who can go out and mow the lawn and do the dishes and stuff.
scary scary scary stuff.
"A little creepy" is a euphemism for "I'll never sleep again" isn't it? Ghaah-h-h-h!
Post a Comment