What Kind Of Sex?

I could pick up this "girl" at a Second Life party. Sure, on the surface she's cute I suppose, but I have absolutely no idea how I'd have sex with her, or even if I'd want to. In fact, I know nothing about her. She could be Stephen Hawking or George Bush for all I know.

There's an interesting, and rather weird legal case coming together in Germany, and it's got this Bear's brain cells frying.

Police in Germany are trying to track down people whose avatars had sex with other avatars that looked like children in the on-line game "Second Life". Apparently, in Germany, having virtual sex with a virtual minor is a criminal offence.

I want to state this up front... anybody who even thinks about having sex with small children is a very sick individual who ought to be taken out the back, flogged to within an inch of their life and then locked away on the inhospitable and very cold Heard Island for the rest of what remains of their pathetic life.

But...

This case troubles me on so many levels, I'm not even sure I know where to start.

"Virtual Sex"? What the fuck is that? You either have sex, or you don't. Call me old fashioned, but the way I see it, for two people to have sex one of two conditions need to exist. Either, they have to be in the same room together, or they have to be able to see each other, the latter being way less fun than the first, and it was only once and we did meet for real sex... oh... no... too weird.

When your avatar has sex with someone elses avatar, neither of these conditions exists... and how does an avatar have sex anyway? Unless the graphics capabilities of Second Life are Star Trekesque, I can't even begin to imagine how two 2 dimensional cartoon figures get down and dirty with some horizontal folk dancing.

All right. It apparently happens. So let's just assume, for the sake of the argument, that there is some weird sex act performed here. Then we have to deal with the whole business of that being a criminal offence.

Now as my opening statement might have demonstrated, I'm no friend of the paedophile, but thinking about committing any crime is NOT a crime. Is it?

IS IT?

And is getting your avatar to hit on some other avatar any more than just thinking about it? Yes. It's sick. Yes, the thinker clearly needs help... but come on people... it's only THINKING!

Let's put it in perspective... nearly every time I drive through the Sydney Harbour Tunnel, I think about doing it at 200kph. If I actually did it, that would be a bloody dangerous and criminal offence, and by the time I got to the end of the freeway, the boys in blue would be getting ready to introduce me to Bubba, and reminding me not to drop the soap in the shower.

But I only THINK about speeding through the tunnel. If Second Life rules apply, I have committed a criminal offence and you'd have to wait until I get out to read the next installment.

Not the same? Ok. Then what about all that time I spent in my teens fantasizing about having sex with Marcia Brady? There's no statute of limitations on sex crimes, so I hope I can serve the sentence concurrently with that for the driving offence.

Or what about the time I spend thinking about creative uses for nuclear weapons when I read about the latest terrorist atrocity. That would make me a war criminal, and all I can do is pray that they have TV1 in my prison cell.

I know. I'm being a little flippant... or am I? Second Life is a GAME. Despite what some of its inhabitants might think, IT'S NOT REAL. Each day, millions of people all over the world play games, and each day, many of them break the law playing those games. They drive too fast, commit horrible and violent crimes or go to war for no better reason than they could.

Dig a little deeper into the Second Life story, and it turns out that the child avatars these sickos "paid" to have sex with weren't actually children at all, which makes this all the more puzzling because if I'm interpreting this right, under German law (and, I believe, under laws in at least one state in Australia), a person can be prosecuted for "paying" for "sex" with a "child", even though the money doesn't exist, the sex never actually happened, and the person controlling the avatar it didn't happen to wasn't actually a child at all. And let's not forget that the alleged offence took place in a world that doesn't actually exist either. Um... what crime your worship?

Take it one step further. What if the avatar the person had "sex" with was a child that was pretending to be an adult. Is that statutory rape?

I don't know about you, but my straw brain is starting to hurt, and I have some very loud alarm bells ringing in my left ear.