I've received a lot of communication in my time from the Lads in Nigeria...There was poor Mrs Maxwell dying of liver cancer who wanted to share her late husband, General Setaseni Maxwell's not inconsiderable fortune with me, and for whom we established the Maxwell Smart Foundation.
There was Barraster Nkomo who wanted to share the estate of the late Sir Johnathan Bear, who was tragically killed, along with his entire family, in a plane crash. He was writing to anyone named "Bear", in the hope of finding a long lost relative who could lay claim to the $106m kept in a trunk at a self-storage facility just outside Mombasa.
Or there was someone named Mr Charles Togo, who at least had the honesty to write and say he was onto a big scam, because as the assistant to the Secretary of Finance, he had the ability to move huge sums of money, and if I helped him, we could share the bounty and both be very rich indeed.
Today, though, there was a change of tactic. The above fax was waiting on my machine this morning. Just in case the picture's not really clear, it's on FBI letterhead (or at least, something that's supposed to look like FBI letterhead), and says this...
FBI New York. 26 Federal Plaza, 23rd. Floor. New York, New York 10278-0004.
Tel / Fax:.+1 646-805-2921
Our Ref: FBI/ 847O40 / 07.
November 2, 2007.
Attn: Fund Beneficiary.
We have finally resolved to notify you that we have been monitoring all your communications within Africa, hence it is part of our obligation and mandate to protect lives and properties.
The FBI hereby advice that you maintain a cordial correspondence with only ''Mr. Williams Cole' of Citibank Group London on tel: +44 7045 765 732, fax: +44 8701336897 or Email: info_bfflcole@yahoo.co.uk. & customercare@citibankgroups.com hence our team of anti fraud special agents has duely certified him as the only person that has the capacity to release your over-due payment that has been tired down in Nigeria for a long time.
It may amaze you to know that, we have been taking notice and records of all the money that you have been sending through western union / money gram to Nigeria and other African countries, for the purpose of actualizing your goal desire of receiving your over-due payment.
You are hereby cautioned to stop further dealings with any unauthorized person / individuals in African, Europe and other parts of the world.
If you fail to adhere to this directive, we shall have no other alternative than to come after you for possible prosecution for abating financial crime based on the huge fund transfers you have placed on international route.
Our agents are keeping a close tab on you, so you are once again cautioned to discontinue any form of communique with all those people that have been ripping you off.
It is imperative to let you know at this juncture that powers to pay or cancel any contractual / inheritance payment has been solely vested on Citibank Group London with the stated exclusive payment referrals code #: FBI/RF/CITI/GP/O07, you are to quote the above referrals code upon inquiry so as to authenticate your claims for onward release of the funds to as the bonafide recipient beneficiary.
Finally, be rest assured that the federal government of Nigeria knows that they are being monitored to ensure the release without unnecessary delays this time around or else they shall face the necessary action(s) as prescribed.
Yours sincerely
Mr. Fred Jones. Fredjones646@peoplepc.com
Assistant Director.
Federal Bureau of Investigation.
Awesome.
The creativity. The eloquence. Absolutely fantastic, with more imagination than a room full of Disney writers.
Oh... and SOOOO believable.
No? Come on. Why wouldn't the FBI be keeping tabs on a subversive like CT Bear? In this age of terrorism and uncertainty, who knows what these soft round paws could get up to.
And why wouldn't an FBI agent have an email address at "peoplepc.com"? He's probably under cover, or maybe People PC is a front organisation, an FBI incarnation of Universal Imports. Whatever. This certainly re-affirms my faith that all that loot is coming my way. That I have never heard from any of the suspects mentioned in the email, and that I definitely haven't sent anyone any money is irrelevant. I want my money now!
I so much wanted to write back, but decided that this week, I just have more important things to do.
9 comments:
Oh, please (please, please) forward this to the real FBI. They don't take it all that well when people pretend to be them and make threats. They might just find this joker.
And have a laugh too.
Man! You get all the good spam, I'm totally jealous. That is brilliant.
I love that you're "abating" the crime. I think they mean abetting, which is kinda the opposite, but whatevs.
*Awesome!!*
I like this:
"If you fail to adhere to this directive, we shall have no other alternative than to come after you..."
Woot! "come after you"?
With what? More spam? Text? Swear words? This is an award winner, and I think if you forwarded it to the real FBI, it would make their day. This is corking.
Chester, go here:
http://whocallsme.com/
I reported the number, twice. We'll see if anyone responds to my post...
While they're at it, can they help me arrange delivery of a brand new NIssan Z for only 5,000 from a shipping facility in the Ukraine?
"come after you" you naughty bear you - thanks for the laugh!
That was so delicious it almost makes me want read some of my spam. Almost. Maybe I'll just eat some delicious spam instead...it would probably have the same result.
I'm way too cautious to click on any of my spam emails. Now I feel like I've been totally missing out. There's some great fiction in there.
Yes, PLEASE send it to the FBI...they need a good laugh. I have never received one of these letters, but I work in estate planning, so a few of our clients have called us to "assist" them in collecting their inheritance. Even though we tell them it is a scam, they usually want us to write them back...we have never received further correspondence.
Post a Comment