Crime, Money, Terrorism And The Need To Get Out More

Following on from last week's quest for sexuality in a Second Life comes a warning from Scotland Yard about the way this and other virtual worlds are becoming the new homes of crime gangs, money launderers and terrorists.

And I still don't get it.

Ok. I understand the money thing... well... actually... I don't understand the money thing, but if what I've read is true, about US$1.8million Lindens (that's 2nd Life money) are exchanged for real US dollars every day, and apparently, there's even some woman in Asia somewhere who became a property development millionaire by developing virtual 2nd Life land.

Yesterday's warning from Scotland Yard even suggested that the laws as they apply in Real Life ought also to apply in the other place.

Now I'm getting REALLY confused.

Um... I know there have been movies about this sort of thing, going way back to Tron in the 70s. There was an episode of Star Trek when the holodeck goes haywire and the crew is stuck there with the 'safety' off, and even an episode or two of Stargate where one or other of the team has their consciousness taken over by some super computer or other, but I have never, not even for a moment, suspected that it might really be happening.

But apparently it is, and at such a dangerous pace that law enforcement feels the need to have a presence there.

What I want to know is what do the crime gangs do when they get there, and why is this a problem in Real Life? I mean, how do you do virtual crack or set up a virtual crack lab? Does it make your monitor go all psychadelic?

And how do you send 'da boyz' around to rough someone up, or break someone's kneecap for not paying 'protection' or gambling debts?

Then I want to know what the terrorists do there? Or maybe I don't, because I can't get an image of camels out of my head.

No... focus Chester...
... do they use immaginary explosives to blow up buildings that don't exist? Do they hijack non existant 767s belonging to virtual airlines and fly them into buildings that aren't really there?

I say "great... maybe they can all move there", and then we can pull the plug on the game and send them effortlessly to After Life, which is where they belong (sans virgins, of course).

The geeks already there have the ultimate advantage, of course. They can click faster, type faster and cut code faster than any suicide bomber, and with a little hacking practice, they could conjure up their very own WMDs (Weapons of Matrix Destruction) that would fix the problem once and for all.

People... Second Life is a 'virtual' world, which means it doesn't actually exist. There is no money. There is no land. There are no clothes. There are no children (or adults, for that matter) to have sex with. There's no food. No life. No plants, buildings, trees, earth, or anything else. There are no explosives, soft targets, hard targets or any other kinds of targets.

There is no airline either, though I do wonder if it's possible to lose my virtual luggage when I take a virtual flight on a virtual airline, and does my travel insurance policy cover that?

I think I need a cup of tea, a Bex and a good lie down.

Actually, what I really want is to know is what the game's creators put in the water at the pitch to investors...

"So, we're going to create this world that doesn't actually exist, and people will pay real money to buy land that doesn't exist, food they never get to eat, clothes they never get to wear, drugs that have no effect on their brain, and sex they never get to have (with avatars that may or may not be children)."

And the investors apparently must have said "Oh. Ok. We're in."

Second Life... bringing Descarte into the 21st century.